


Paralyzed

by Lirema



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 05:27:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29327007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lirema/pseuds/Lirema
Summary: One-shot of the song Paralyzed from Mystery Skulls
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Deceit - Relationship
Kudos: 8





	Paralyzed

He didn’t want to believe it was true. There Virgil was, alone in his room, lying down on the floor and staring at the ceiling, per his usual sabbatical ritual. Desperately hoping, begging, pleading for the emotions in his mind to pass. It’s been one week since Thomas met Nico at the mall, after Roman mentioned that “you can’t have true love if the relationship isn’t built on truth.” God, it all went back to Deceit, didn’t it? He thought listening to MCR and Paramore for 4 hours straight would work, but no. His head still feels light and his heart feels like it’s about to explode. Not to mention...Deceit, still stuck in his mind. The words from that skaley face yesterday, dancing in his head.

_When you're around, I feel so weightless_

He feels like he’s known Deceit his whole life up until now: how much they like to push each other’s buttons, how much they like to push the other Side’s buttons, how much they fuel each other’s anxiety. Yes, despite the snake’s appearance, he knows Deceit’s greatest fears: revealing your name, attending social gatherings, fearing that all life is meaningless, trying to confess one’s true feelings for someone. Perhaps that last one was a sign...No, that can’t be. Just because they share the same fears and sarcastic humor doesn’t mean they’re meant to be, right? Just because Deceit might’ve told him how he really feels about him and gave him a peck on the cheek...doesn’t mean it’s true, right? Besides, he remembers the first time he tried to confess to the snake, there’s no way he could’ve made it look so easy. He couldn’t even spill the words out, Deceit just happened to guess it right from the way his dumb mouth was agape, the way he stared into his eyes, almost as if he was silently begging for a kiss.

_And when we kiss, I can't explain_

Maybe he should give him the benefit of a doubt for once. After all, this was what Virgil wanted, right? But if that’s the case...why did Deceit reject him at first? What took him so long to change his mind? What did he do wrong to _make_ him change his mind? Was he tired of all the insults? No, he would’ve told him to stop by now. Was he so jealous of Virgil being accepted? No, then he’d be dead to him. Was he trying to test how gullible he was to believe him? That would sound like something Deceit would do. Make him question why his heart races so much by making him accept the lie that it’s just the anxiety, Virgil, there’s no way it can be anything else...

_Feels superhuman, but the truth is_

He storms out of the room. He needs to find Deceit...He needs to find the truth. It’s midnight, but it’s whatever. He doubts anyone would be awake enough to try to stop him. Especially with where he’s going.

_You got me hypnotized  
I'm feeling so obsessed with you_

If his room can only be accessed by focusing on one’s deepest, darkest fears...then the only way to access Deceit’s room is to focus on what Thomas keeps close to his chest. What he doesn’t want people to know about him, what he doesn’t want to know about himself...Like how a Side can love another. God, how does that even work? Isn’t that technically self-Nope, he needs to stop that train of thought. Focus on the secrets, Virgil. Out of the void of unconsciousness, a door with a two headed snake appears before him. He closes his fist...yet he can’t seem to bring himself to knock.

_You left me paralyzed  
And now I'm stuck  
You got me stuck_

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He didn’t want to believe it was true. Unlike the emo enthusiast, Janus is lying in his bed, pretending to sleep. He thought he could rest easy knowing he filled his daily quote of lies for today, but this one in particular...this one didn’t sit right in his stomach. He knows it’s his job to lie to Virgil, to all the Sides. Why was this one any different?

_I never knew, just what I wanted_

Maybe he was tired of being cast out by him. Of being told that Deceit was never welcome in any of Thomas’ dilemmas. Again, kind of his job. Besides, with how frequent Thomas questions himself, you’d think there’d be just enough room for him to lie to himself and turn the whole thing into a roundabout situation until Logan finally has to step in and give his two cents, right? God, the trial. He’d be lying if he said he was over it by now. Especially when Virgil never showed up after the wedding. You’d think he would, given how adamant he was on going to the wedding to not lose his friends. Perhaps it wouldn’t matter. Sure, Virgil knows his name, but if he had to reveal it to anyone else, in front of Virgil...Ah, the pit in his stomach is getting worse. Sure, Virgil can come up with a thousand reasons why he can’t stand him, but if it’s the other way around...He can’t even think of one. And it’s not like he can pick up on any good qualities of Virgil, either. Ah, yes, of course, if he had to confess his love to anyone, it had to be the anxious purple nurple whom he can’t think of a single redeemable or irredeemable quality for.

_I still don't know, it's all the same_

He can’t seem to let go of what Virgil said about him at the mall, about all the lies made just to talk to Nico. It’s not his fault Thomas has social anxiety. Ah, but even that’s a lie. After all, no one knows how to turn social situations around better than him. Even if his suggestions were a bit...unconventional. He’s a snake, not a functional member of society, what else would Virgil expect him to do? Man, Virgil used to love his “brilliant” plans. Every time he beamed at his ideas, it’d lift his scaly spirits. Was it really wrong for him to lie about loving Virgil back? He knows they both know how horrible a relationship with another Side would end up becoming, but dammit, he was just tired of Virgil doubting himself and sulking all the time whenever he’s around. Especially when _apparently_ he makes his heart skip a beat. Ironic, how he doubts himself for saying those three little words and giving Virgil that little kiss. Why, with how much they both doubt each other, it’s almost as if they’re meant to be. Foolish. If he’s fully convinced he wasn’t telling the truth, that he doesn’t care about Virgil at all...then why is his stomach churning so much?

_You're picking up, on what I started_

He knows Virgil’s at the door. He left it open for him. Might as well save him the trouble of getting up and opening the door. He’s asleep, he’d tell himself, he’ll pretend he’s asleep.

_And the truth is_

“Deceit?” Virgil asks as the door gradually creaks open.

He doesn’t move. Only silently prays for this night to end.

“Deceit, I know you’re awake.”

“You’re not calling me by name?” He mumbles, keeping his eyes shut.

“Not until I know the truth. Get up.”

_You got me hypnotized  
I'm feeling so obsessed with you_

With a fake yawn and a rub of his eyes, he sits up at the anxious Side with his arms folded.

“Was my confession not enough for you?”

“Oh, of course not, I’m completely satisfied,” Virgil sneers, almost mimicking Janus’ smooth, silver-tongued tone to a tee.

He sighs, removing the gloves and raising his right hand. Virgil would roll his eyes until he catches a glimpse into those empty eyes. He feels his heart sinking.

“I lied to you, Virgil. I don’t love you.”

_You left me paralyzed  
And now I'm stuck  
You got me stuck_

Silence. A heavy weight on both their hearts. Janus isn’t even looking up at him. And yet, Virgil could’ve sworn he saw the snake’s eyes glisten. As if he’s trying to hold back his tears. He just got done picking up the pieces of his broken heart from the last confession, he’ll be damned if he has to do it again. With a growl, he clenches his fists...

_You got me hypnotized  
I'm feeling so obsessed with you_

A flinch. A punch inches away from his snake-like jaw. Janus finally looks up to the glistening eyes, on the verge of tears.

“Why?” Virgil’s voice breaks.

Janus looks down again, only for Virgil to grab him by the collar.

“Look at me when I speak to you, dammit.”

_You left me paralyzed_  
And now I'm stuck  
You got me stuck 

Mouth agape. Eyes staring into his soul, as if he’s begging for a kiss. God, he wants to punch the dirty liar’s face so bad, but that look. That stupid look that makes his heart race. He hadn’t realized how close he clutched his collar until he heard his breath shaking.

“I…” Janus forces a breath, raising his hand again, “I just wanted to make you happy...”

Now Virgil flinches a bit. He almost mistook the oath as him reaching for his face. And yet, he refuses to let go or look away. If he lied just to make him feel better...that means he does care after all, doesn’t it? Why would he lie if he didn’t care? Or maybe...he’s lying to himself? God, all the questions draining his head. He’s sick of it all, so sick of second-guessing. Their breaths are both shaking, yet they’re both in sync. They can sense the fear in each other’s eyes, and yet they can’t look away.

_Fuck it_

Mouth agape, the gap closed by the other. A muffled squeak, a hand on cupping his cheek. How ironic, how a snake squeaks like a mouse. Virgil’s not sure what came over him. All he knows is that this is the only way to shut up all the fear, all the doubt. They didn’t want to believe it was true. Now they’re too close to break away.


End file.
